Tag: poetry
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Lies
Lies A short poem about a day in the life of an eating disorder for #worldpoetryday Content warning: eating disorder thoughts and behaviours.
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Blame
“It’s your fault!”Words spat at me,Twisted mouth,Finger pointing:“It’s all your fault!” What’s my fault?Daring to exist?Being born?Being conceived?What is my fault? What’s my fault?That you go out?Drink too much?Throw things at us?Is that my fault? What’s my fault?Being a kidIn a lifeI didn’t choose?That’s not my fault. It’s yours.
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An apology to my body
Body, I’m sorrySorry for starving youFor not nourishing youFor not giving you what you needed Body, I’m sorrySorry for overfeeding youFor sometimes purging youMy mind said it was what I needed Body, I’m sorrySorry for ignoring youFor not listening to youWhen you told me what you needed Body, I’m sorrySorry for hating youFor physically hurting…
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First Steps
Heart racing, body trembling,Light headed, dizzy, gasping for air,Red faced, filled with shame,Fear: of everything,Of failing,Of feeling this way forever. My counsellor told meShaking legs will hold me up.So I stand, take a tentative step.I don’t fall,So I take another,And start the hardest journey I will ever take. You think Mental Illness means I’m weak?Then…
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Silence
I thought I’d learnt to trust youThat love would set me freeBut how could that be possibleWhen I was hiding an ED? Concealing frequent bingesFat, disgusting, greedy meHow could anybody love this?A woman hiding an ED My dirty little secretI couldn’t let anyone seeThe fat pig living inside meSo I kept hiding my ED I…
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Freedom
So much time wasted, lost To the voice in my head That told me I was unworthy Of joy, love, freedom to be Myself. Not that I knew who that was, Too busy trying to bend, to fit Into someone else’s mould. Not that it helped Because the mould kept changing. I could never be…
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If…
If eight year-old me, Fat, alone, sad, and scared, Had been thin and restricting, Would somebody have cared? If eighteen year-old me, Away from home that first time, Had lost weight and not gained it, Would they have noticed the signs? If twenty-eight year-old me, Purging regularly, Had lost even more weight, Would they have…
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Stolen Years
Allowing myself to feel, To cry, To realise just how much you stole from me. Peace, inner calm, The strength to be myself. The courage to admit just how terrified I was. Sapping my self-esteem Till I felt worthless, unworthy of any joy. The feeling of dread That they would all realise I was a…
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Blue skies
I’m slowly learning to see blue skies When I was taught to see the grey The thunderclouds of disappointment The sharp lightning strikes of shame I’m starting to see the marvel of rainbows Fractured light through drops of rain The hidden beauty found when sorrow Gives way to hope as life begins again I will…
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The Guest
You arrive Uninvited Say you’re here To help Yet you sit there In silence Disapproving Looking hurt A guest here Taking over Making everything About you Telling us what To think, feel Not interested In the truth And I’m reminded Of my childhood How I tiptoed Around Scared of offending Your feelings Of invoking Your…