Tag: emotions
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Sunshine through the rain
I’ve been crying a lot lately. So much that I even caught myself crying on camera. But the shocking thing to me is not that I cried. It’s that I allowed the camera to keep rolling, then posted it online. I pushed myself so far out of my comfort zone that I showed my vulnerability,…
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Short letter, long words
I had an MRI a few weeks back to help figure out what is causing my pain. This week, I received a very short letter with the results. It was full of long words I didn’t understand. Words I wasn’t expecting. Scary words: disc protrusion, stenosis, foraminal narrowing. The second paragraph talked about pain, and…
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I binged today. Here’s what I learned.
I say I’m in recovery from BED for a reason. It might be over four months since I last binged, I may be succeeding in my intuitive eating journey, but at times of stress, I still sometimes return to those thoughts and behaviours that sustained me since childhood. Today was one of those times. I…
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Have decades of eating my feelings down made me emotionally illiterate?
I grew up believing feelings were bad. I was told I was too emotional, oversensitive, that I needed not to take things so personally. So I stopped talking about feelings, and did my best not to have them. Bingeing became my go-to when I needed to put a lid on those pesky, unwanted emotions. The…
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Learning to live with anger
Of all the emotions I buried with food, anger was the one that scared me the most. It seemed so destructive, so terrifying. I had this image of myself exploding with fury and releasing vitriol on such a scale that I would destroy everyone and everything around me. This, of course, was to be avoided…
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It’s OK to feel overwhelmed
I have a big week coming up. It’s Time to Talk Day on Thursday 4th February. My poem “First Steps” is being published. I’m speaking at an online event. A blog I wrote is being published locally. I should be excited, right? No, I’m overwhelmed and anxious. I’ve managed to self-sabotage by over-exercising, triggering my…
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Well, this is a lot!
After two years of lockdowns, isolation, boredom, and self-reflection, it suddenly feels like someone’s pressed the fast forward button on my life. As if I’ve gone from zero to 100 overnight. So many amazing things have happened over the last few weeks! I’ve got a new job. The Instagram and Twitter accounts are doing better…
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The Day the Music Died
TW: eating disorder feelings and behaviours. I met him one drunken night in my favourite bar. He was there to play a short acoustic set and afterwards, we got chatting. About music, life, the usual drunken things. I gave him my number and a few days later, he called and asked me out. Not long…
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Avoidance
It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote a post. I’d convinced myself that I’ve been too busy. And it’s true, a lot has happened since I visited my parents. I’ve started a new job, which has meant a lot of new things to learn. I’ve started physiotherapy, and been diagnosed with fibromylagia. I…
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Blue skies
I’m slowly learning to see blue skies When I was taught to see the grey The thunderclouds of disappointment The sharp lightning strikes of shame I’m starting to see the marvel of rainbows Fractured light through drops of rain The hidden beauty found when sorrow Gives way to hope as life begins again I will…