There’s been a lot of debate about restriction causing eating disorders recently. Now I’m not a scientist. I’m someone in recovery from an ED. Someone with over 40 years of experience of eating disorder behaviours.
Was my illness caused by restriction?
It was a potential factor, but not the main cause.
Did restriction keep me trapped in an endless eating disorder cycle for decades?
Absolutely. Without question. There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever.
My diagnosis was Binge Eating Disorder, which includes restriction (something not highlighted enough). I also went through periods of compensatory behaviours.
In recovery, my first warning sign of relapse is always restriction. If I allow it to continue, bingeing follows later.
While ill, there were periods when I restricted more heavily (“crash dieted”) and binged less (you could call them something like “cheat days”). During those times I was taking SSRI and/or self medicating with alcohol.
And I was still trapped in a binge/restrict cycle.
The vast majority of my experience is a mix of restriction and bingeing, with compensatory behaviours including restriction itself, exercise, and purging.
No-one should underestimate the shame involved with bingeing and purging. I never disclosed full details of these. I didn’t even disclose full details of these in ED treatment. I would not have disclosed if part of a study, bingeing carried that much shame. If the study were short term, it’s possible I may not have relapsed until later.
But whenever I restricted, bingeing ALWAYS followed eventually.
Even now, when I skip meals, or even mentally restrict , I feel binge urges, and find myself eating beyond fullness.
Even now, I know that restriction, if prolonged, will lead to full relapse.
I’m just one person with lived experience. My experience may be completely unique. An anomaly. But there are studies which support my experience. I know restriction in recovery is dangerous, For me, at least. It was a difficult lesson to learn.
Even more difficult because refusing to restrict for the sake of my mental health has exposed me to medical weight stigma, being labelled as difficult, and potentially being denied access to treatments in the future. It means the world is a less friendly place.
Despite this, restriction is not a chance I will ever be willing to take. I have finally discovered what life is like with an ED, and it’s a miraculous thing.
Those MD can keep their studies. I don’t care what they say. Restriction is not worth the risk.
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